Nothing.

My Eyes slowly opened, the expressions on the faces of the doctors changed from a worrisome to an excited look. “It’s a miracle”, they all rejoiced. Apparently my heart had stopped beating for minutes, safe to say I was dead. I was even pronounced dead already, there were attempts to revive me but they all failed; it was truly a miracle. Speaking of divine miracles, I know you’re eager to ask me what did I see or experience when I died. I know you’re hoping that my experience matches your hypothesis. I feel the weight of disappointment and depression pressing on me everyday, is there really nothing?. Nothing did not feel like being asleep, sleeping still has some form of consciousness you know?, I simply did not exist, was not aware of my non-existence. There was no “I” to be perceived. It is hard to grasp but for some reason I can grasp the feeling, the feeling of nothing. It was not pitch black, it was not anything. I thought I was going to see you again finally, sadly we will never see each other again, will never hear you laugh, will never see you again and I’m scared of that. I find no solace in nothing, not without you.

~happy posthumous birthday.